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The Double Edged Sword of Likability

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  Likability is a double-edged sword at work. Wanting to be liked is universal and nothing wrong with that. To varying degrees, most of us seek the approval of others. Let’s talk about how it can hurt us first.   When you take on a People-Pleaser identity, you start compromising your personal preferences to be liked. You abandon yourself, your feelings, and your true nature. You incorrectly assume that by being agreeable you will be seen as kind. You can’t say no, you feel responsible for how others feel, and you apologize even when it is not your fault. This behavior can backfire when others start seeing you as less confident and competent. If career progression is a goal, watch out for behaviors that can be perceived as subservient. Don’t play small just to be liked. Moving on to the helpful side of likability. When you are seen as a competent and confident go-getter, you may unconsciously take on an aura of arrogance. The conversations you have at work are all about you and your man
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Don't you owe it your future self?

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  In honor of your bright future, plant a seed today. The path to the harvest will not be easy but know that nothing of value comes without a tradeoff or a difficult choice. Often, we give up on our dreams because the effort to get there can feel daunting. The days, months, and possibly years it takes to realize our dreams may feel lonely, and difficult. But, know that without those days there will be no bountiful harvest of our dreams realized. Building daily consistent habits will get you closer, and faster to your goal. When we act on our vision in bite-sized increments, the journey feels less challenging. Take a few minutes every day to intentionally take that one step outside your comfort zone.  🎯You are in control. You get to choose -the pain of regret or the pain of discipline. Don't you owe it to your future self?
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Feeling invalidated again? This moment may be the springboard to propel you forward.

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  Passed over for a promotion yet again? You put in the time and effort to grow your self-awareness after the last couple of performance cycles. You worked on sharpening your communication skills, stepped outside your comfort zone, and showed up every day with an attitude of service, and yet, here you are being tested again. This time around, the invalidation hurts.   First, take the time to grieve. Acknowledge that you are feeling lost and unsure of the path ahead.  If your frustration leads to crying into your pillow at night or in the shower in the morning, let the emotions flow.   Remember, “What doesn't kill us makes us stronger”- Friedrich Nietzsche. When you are feeling centered again, reflect on the situation and take the time to recall a time when you navigated a storm well. That experience made you stronger and built up your resourcefulness. We all have valor within us, and this reflection on a prior trial will give you the confidence that you will find a way forward. It&
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Are you frustrated by your cynical and disengaged employee? Don't give up yet.

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  Team Leaders – Are you frustrated by a disengaged employee in your team? Do they appear cynical and recalcitrant to you? That is often a presentation layer of an underlying hurt. Here is something you may want to consider about the team member.   -There is a likelihood that the employee has been burned before, especially when they were passionate and wanted to serve with the noblest of motives. It is easy to lose faith after a few poor experiences. -They start believing that their skill and passion are of no value to their leaders. -When all they see is a minefield ahead for sharing their knowledge and gifts, cynicism starts taking hold. Sadly, it also leaves them with an unfulfilled desire to make a difference.  These steps may help- 1.     Focus your one-on-one conversations on their passions. Be sincere. If possible, avoid scripted lines from a manager handbook, because they rarely flow out as sincerely as one would hope. People can smell a phony from a mile away.   2.     Get
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Rejection - What signals are you receiving?

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  Do you retreat and hide when you feel rejected at work? Do you stop speaking up in meetings? Do you try to stay under the radar? Rejection often signals that something is wrong in terms of your perceived value or social standing in the corporate hierarchy. Your instinctive reaction to retreat is normal. Taking a little time for analysis and reflection is just what the doctor ordered. However, if you retreat for too long, you deprive yourself of growth opportunities and lose valuable time in which you could have showcased your gifts and talents. Playing small serves no one, especially you. To come out ahead after a perceived rejection, take the time objectively to assess the situation. Ask, is it personal? Know that our filters and biases may be clouding our perception. Most of the rejections we face aren’t personal and can be attributed to factors we can't see yet. Here, assuming good intent will help alleviate the pain and accelerate our recovery from the perceived rejection. So
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The Universe has a message for you. Are you paying attention?

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  Are you listening to the whispers from your intuition or paying attention to the little breadcrumbs the universe is laying out for you? If not, what clues are you missing? I can’t say I was always tuned into that inner voice, but for whatever reason, I was listening when a colleague remarked “You need to do more of this in your day job.” The ‘this’ she was referring to, more than a decade ago, was speaking from the podium after she heard one of my speeches at our Toastmasters club. That suggestion inexplicably took hold! My corporate role at that time was mostly leveraging my technical and analytical skills and I knew I had to invent opportunities for presenting. With the help of my leaders, I recrafted my role slowly to include more speaking opportunities. In hindsight, this was the inflection point but I did not know it then.     After that inflection point, in the years that followed, I stumbled upon another unexpected discovery (aka breadcrumb from the universe) while involved in
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It's Not Fair or Is it?

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  It’s Not Fair! We have all heard children scream these words when they experience an unjust outcome. As rational adults, we acknowledge and accept that life is not fair, but somehow unwittingly get trapped in a cycle of misery and bitterness when things don’t work out ‘fairly’,  in our favor. We doom ourselves to unrelenting frustration when life doesn’t meet our expectations. For example, you are burned by toxic office politics. You are exhausted watching less experienced and less competent team members get ahead. You question the futility of your skills and efforts. Most of us have been sucked into the ‘woe is me’ vortex, at some point or the other.   Your read of the situation ‘may’ be accurate, but ruminating about it incessantly, only adds insult to injury. The unfortunate outcome of replaying the latest  ‘unfairness’ saga repeatedly in our heads leads to chronic misery and bitterness and impacts how we show up every day. The personality that comes through in work meetings
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